What Happens To Us If We Were Not Loved In Childhood?

Feeling loved in childhood is a basic ingredient of emotional development. But what happens when what prevails is the lack of affection? What consequences can occur?

Attachment is the basis of our development and an undoubted source of satisfaction with life. But what happens when we were not loved in childhood? This seems to be the source of some behavior problems.

When we are born, the protection and security we need is based on the love that only parents can give us. However, this is not always the case, and it is reflected years later in behavior and in relationships with others.

If we were not loved in childhood: some consequences

Lack of love in childhood precedes certain consequences in adolescence and adulthood. We will discuss some of them below.

1. Indifference to the feelings of others

Given the little affection received in childhood, it is possible that some people show difficulty in connecting with what others feel. This trait is what is known as ‘insensitive behavior’ or ‘limited prosocial emotions’.

In this sense, studies such as the one carried out by the Department of Psychology at the University of Michigan have explored how the lack of affection in the first years of life has effects at 10-12 years and even at 20 years.

Specifically, these authors observe that this deficiency is later related to less empathy in children and adolescents whose parents have been not very close or even aggressive in their upbringing.

More recent reviews also highlight how the quality of parent-child interactions is associated with a greater understanding of the feelings of others. This makes it easy to establish positive relationships with others. This is pointed out by a study led by several researchers from the Dutch universities of Tilburg and Utrecht.

Such results therefore put the focus of attention on the consequences that are experienced if, for different reasons, we were not loved during childhood.

However, early intervention is feasible in many cases. There are programs aimed at helping parents deal with certain problems (financial, personal, etc.) and teaching them healthier communication styles.

Furthermore, as the last cited publication points out, relationships with peers represent strong support. These also constitute a clear opportunity with which to train empathy and generate positive interpersonal bonds.

2. Problems relating and expressing feelings

Based on the above, we see that insufficient love in childhood sometimes constitutes the beginning of a chain of future generations with problems.

A person who did not receive affection from their parents, may end up repeating the same pattern with their children. That is, if we were not loved in childhood, we run the risk of replicating, without realizing it, what we knew.

And it is that affection in childhood is the ‘motor’ that drives the altruistic capacities of the human being. As we grow older, these are the result of the quality of love that we experienced in our early years.

Therefore, it seems difficult to ignore how these unmet needs in childhood later manifest in adulthood. Unconsciously, the protagonists of this situation yearn to fill this void, which determines their behavior and way of relating to others.

In fact, research such as that of Professor Adam J. Rock and his team provide relevant evidence in this direction. These authors find how the different attachment styles (secure, anxious or avoidant) have a lot to do with the behavior we have in social interactions.

Why is it important, then, to feel loved in childhood?

As we can see, showing love towards children is of the utmost importance for various reasons. Above all, it should be considered that the humanization of people is carried out through affection in childhood.

And it is that the affection lived in the first years comes to be related to a great extent with the development of future interpersonal skills. So if we want to prevent children from growing up with such deficiencies, it is necessary to give them the affection they deserve.

And if at any time as parents we need help, let’s not stop asking for it. Early intervention, social support, and psychological counseling in these cases are, of course, useful strategies to consider.