I Have Learned To Be Alone Without Feeling Alone
Learning to be alone will open up a world of possibilities, since it will allow you to be in control of your life without having to always be surrounded by people so as not to feel empty .
After a long time in which I felt tremendous anxiety every time I was alone, I learned to be alone without feeling that pressure that used to overwhelm me so much. This has helped me not only to enjoy my own company, but also to eliminate certain beliefs that were conditioning my behavior.
Because, on more than one occasion, I felt equally alone even when I was surrounded by people and, I must confess, that the same thing happened to me when I was in a love relationship.
Choosing solitude is not marginalizing yourself, but knowing yourself and being cared for
Many times, we confuse being alone with marginalizing ourselves and isolating ourselves from others. In fact, we may feel that way because the people around us tell us to do so at all times.
It happened to me, especially when I reconciled with my loneliness. At the moment when I was well alone and learned to enjoy myself, around I began to hear phrases like “you are antisocial” .
However, knowing how to be alone is not at odds with being social. I consider myself a person who loves to make new friends, meet different people and interact with others. However, I know how to enjoy my moments alone and I don’t force myself to see my friends if I don’t feel like it just because I haven’t seen them in a long time.
Sometimes, before I was okay with myself, I would feel tremendous pressure when there was an event and I didn’t feel like going. There was a conflict in my mind: what I really wanted and what I “should” do.
The most revealing thing was realizing that being with people didn’t make me feel full. I continued to feel empty. Now I understand that it was because he had not given me the opportunity to be with myself.
Stopping and looking beyond helps you find your own rhythm
We are not always aware, but society constantly puts pressure on us. Not only people around us do it, but beliefs, advertising, movies and many other forms of content… The socially acceptable is everywhere and therefore it is difficult to see beyond.
Having a good job, a good social circle, a partner and children seems to continue to be a model of a very well regarded life path, however, it does not work for everyone. And that’s okay.
We often think (that’s how it happened to me too) that in addition to following a socially accepted and well-regarded model, relationships (in general) have to be long-lasting and that we have to hold on to them because the fact that they end implies the “End” of our social life.
Despite much, it is still difficult for us to internalize the phrase that “endings can be new beginnings. ” This is partly because we have been taught to practice attachment, even if what we become attached to does not fulfill us or even hurt us.
We must ask ourselves if it is really worth sticking to what does not make us feel good and taking actions to move towards where we do feel that everything “fits” us.
Walking at your own pace: a precious daily task
When you start walking at your own pace, towards where it is good for you, when you start to question beliefs, to stop doing what you felt obliged to do before, it seems that everything is done “uphill”. You feel (and are) different and although you will have moments in which you will feel fear and doubts, you will also have moments of great well-being.
When the fact of walking at your own pace makes you feel restless, think about everything that had come between what was established (and did not provide well-being) and now it does.
Was it useful to be from party to party when you really didn’t feel like it? Was it good for you to force yourself to do things that didn’t even appeal to you just so you could be around people?
Did you really connect with what you did and with the people you shared with? Did you put aside your preferences, beliefs and part of your essence to fit into a group?
How have you felt since you stopped doing it? Have you seen that by ordering yourself, you can find greater balance in the rest of the areas of your life?
When I understood my fear of being alone, I also realized that I had very low self-esteem. Seeking external approval, taking responsibility for how others feel, worrying about being rejected… it was exhausting and did not benefit me at all.
The good news is that all that was left behind as I began to know myself better, to prioritize myself, to be alone and to realize that I did not need to spend my time for others but to take care of myself to be well with or without others around. I also learned that by taking care of myself and taking care of myself, I was able to establish healthier relationships than when I went out of my way to fit in and please.
I understood that “need” and “choose” are not the same
Now, I know I need to take care of myself. I also know that I can choose to have a partner or choose to meet my friends. I can choose to attend a certain event, but not need it so that I do not feel alone.
Have you ever seen yourself in this position? Do you avoid being alone? Maybe you should take some time for yourself to put things in perspective.
If you have managed to be good with yourself, you will know how much this helps you to have much healthier relationships and to act according to what you feel, not what you think you owe.
