Ghosting: How To Overcome It And Reasons Not To Practice It
Social networks have opened a wide range of possibilities when it comes to establishing relationships through the internet. This, despite offering numerous advantages, makes ghosting more and more frequent , a phenomenon of which you have probably been a victim or, even, have practiced.
Imagine the following situation: you meet a new person virtually, the conversation is flowing, and you even have multiple dates. Everything seems to be going perfectly, but suddenly one day it disappears.
It does not read your messages, it does not answer your calls and it blocks you from accessing all its profiles. You never hear from this person again. This is precisely ghosting : cutting off contact without giving explanations or offering the other the opportunity to react.
What consequences can ghosting generate?
With the advent of the internet, the way of relating has changed. Liquid relationships proliferate and empathy for others has dropped considerably.
It has been lost of sight that the actions have repercussions in the feelings of the others and the affective responsibility has been disregarded. However, behaviors such as ghosting can have very negative consequences.
Those who receive it can suffer great damage to their self-esteem, feel ashamed, humiliated and rejected. In addition, you may be involved in a longer and more complicated grief than usual because you are deprived of closing the relationship. This can lead to trust issues in future relationships.
On the other hand, those who practice ghosting can also experience consequences. Mainly, the feeling of guilt and remorse for having harmed another person with whom he shared a bond; however, also, the shame and discomfort of not knowing how to face and resolve complicated social situations.
How can ghosting be overcome?
It is possible that, if it has not happened to you yet, at some point you will have to face ghosting. For this reason, we offer you some tips to overcome it and prevent its consequences.
Accept what has happened
A very common initial reaction when the other person disappears is to think that something has happened to him and, therefore, he does not answer. This can lead to persistently seeking her out or trying to contact her without getting a response, further damaging one’s self-esteem.
It is important to accept what has happened, to assume that the other has chosen not to have contact again; but, in addition, it is necessary to accept that it is a painful situation, to recognize the sadness, disappointment or anger that ghosting generates.
Beware of causal attributions
When a person is a victim of ghosting, they often tend to blame themselves for what happened. Thus, you can interpret that the other has cut the contact because she has made a mistake or because she is not interesting or attractive enough.
If you find yourself in this situation, remember that the actions of other people speak of them and not of you. In this case, they probably reflect a lack of assertiveness or a fear of facing conflict.
On the other hand, it is possible to fall into the error of believing that if this has happened once, it will happen again in the future in new relationships. Bearing in mind that it is an isolated and punctual event will help to face future interactions with less distrust.
Keep going
Although it is a relationship with little history, and despite having been established online, the loss of it can be equally painful.
Therefore, after suffering ghosting, you may need to spend some time preparing the duel. Focusing on yourself, your interests and goals for a while may be more advisable than launching yourself in search of a new link.
Above all, try to take care of your internal dialogue. When a person you care about disappears, the mind fills with questions and questions that need answers. It is frequent to fall into rumination and maintain repetitive thoughts of the type: why has he left? Why me? What could have happened?
You will probably never receive the solution to these questions and, above all, your mental health is more important than trying to understand the motives of others. Therefore, try to focus on your present and your future, and leave the past behind.
Why not ghosting?
If at any point you find yourself in a position to ghosting to end a bond, think about the consequences first. You may fear facing conflict or want to avoid an uncomfortable situation in which the other person becomes angry or sad; However, if you disappear without an explanation, you can cause significant emotional damage.
It is even possible that you too will end up suffering from this decision. For the same, try to have empathy and end the bond in an assertive way.
Avoid ghosting for your mental health
It is easy to fall into the inertia of the new type of relationships that arise from the internet. However, taking care of your mental space and your emotional health (and also that of others) must be a priority.
Therefore, work on yourself, on your fears and insecurities, on your social skills and reaffirm your values, so that you do not have to resort to ghosting and that you know how to overcome and come out reinforced if at any time you have to live it. You are your biggest safety net.
