How Do I Tell My Partner That I Want To Spend Time Alone?

If you want to spend time alone, you don’t have to feel guilty or a ‘bad’ girlfriend. Loneliness has many virtues and is even good for the couple. It doesn’t mean you love him less!

Spending time alone is not synonymous with asking for time because you want to evaluate the relationship or have doubts about the future. Actually, it is about something much simpler: connecting with yourself to continue being well with others. 

There are times when it causes (and is necessary) to do some activity, without anyone accompanying us. Go to the cinema to see a romantic movie, attend a concert by our favorite singer, take a trip to fulfill a dream, go see that art show in the museum that attracts you so much, sit and watch the people go by in a park or something as simple as having dinner alone, a dish of your choice.

Undertaking these little adventures alone does not imply that something is wrong with the relationship, that you love the other person less, much less.

Spending time alone does not imply less affection

Wanting to spend time alone is not a sin. It is a need that must be attended to in order to be well with yourself and with others. When was the last time you went on a date with yourself? If it’s been a long time, maybe it’s time to pick it up again.

The date does not have to be an elaborate plan, it  can simply consist of taking an hour to drink coffee alone, read, look out the window or do any other activity.

Keep in mind that loneliness not only allows you to reconnect with yourself but it also allows you to fill yourself with good energy to be able to interact more freely and, above all, with assertiveness.

There are many women who, once they start a relationship, completely abandon these moments of loneliness to do everything in company and do not realize how much damage this does them. For this reason, although it may seem difficult, it is necessary to recognize and know how to express to the couple “I need time for myself and that is why I do not stop loving you.” 

When we are in a couple, going out alone (each one on their own) seems something impossible and meaningless, because we have been conditioned to the ‘normal’ thing that we must be accompanied. It does not matter if we had a good or bad time, if one of them missed doing something they love or if the other wanted to be with friends or without someone’s company.

Therefore, when you have the need to spend time alone, you may feel guilty and believe that it is because you love your partner less or that there is a crisis in the relationship. Nothing further from reality!

It is true that human beings are sociable and when we are in a couple we become ‘one’ with the other. But it is also true that we need (and deserve) an individual space.

Learn to say: “I want to spend time alone”

Although it may seem difficult, it is possible to explain to your partner that you want to spend time alone, because you need it and that this is not synonymous with problems. Now, what you have to take care of is the attitude and the words when expressing it.

A good idea to tell your boyfriend that you want to spend time alone is to list the advantages that this decision or change has for the couple, for you and for him. It tries to ‘sell’ you an idea and in what way it is about something positive. For example, you can tell it one of the following arguments:

• I will appreciate our relationship more.
• It does not mean that I love you less.
• Missing each other is good for the relationship.
• It’s only fair that we can do what we want.
• It will have a positive impact on our partner.
• You can also take some time alone, if you wish.
• It will be an experience that I can tell you in great detail.
• We can do other activities together and that we both like.
• You don’t have to come with me to do something you don’t like.

Of course, it is not about ‘asking permission’ from your partner to spend time alone, since he is not your father or teacher.

However, in relationships, consensus is very fundamental and, above all, explanations when the other does not think in the same way. Surely, after a few outings that you do without him, he will begin to notice positive changes in the relationship. And you will really like the idea!